Pre-Wedding Groom Responsibilities You Need to Own

She said yes! The hard part is over, right? Wrong. Now come the joys of wedding planning. There are plenty of misconceptions about groom responsibilities in wedding planning, and if you harbor these, you're going to have a bad time. So yes, you have to help out and really be useful, not just put forth a token effort. And no, just because she's been dreaming of her wedding since she was nine years old doesn't mean all the work is already done and all the decisions have been made.

There are many things you should stay out of, unless you're specifically asked to help, such as her wedding dress, the flowers, the cake, and her bachelorette party. But that's just the tip of the wedding iceberg—there's still plenty for you to do.

True, you will be serving more of a support role here. But that doesn't mean you won't be called upon for some assertiveness and executive action. Here are some areas you should own in the run-up to your big day:

Lead Your Crew

It's easy to underestimate the tension and awkwardness of melding two circles of family and friends through marriage. Taking charge of your people falls squarely into the groom responsibilities. Nail down your guest list and fetch addresses. Keep your groomsmen on the ball by following up to make sure they got their tuxedos and know exactly how to look, where they have to be, and when they have to be there. Run diplomatic interference if your mom or sister start stepping on any toes. Your goal is to minimize and defuse confrontations. If your fiancée has a problem with anyone on your side, the only person she should have to talk to is you.

Be the Executive Producer

Your wife-to-be is the writer, director, and star of the show. It's your equally important job to understand her creative vision and do all the behind-the-scenes legwork to make sure it all happens. Do research, make phone calls, hash out details, schedule appointments, negotiate with vendors, and make sure everything is squared away.

Take Things Off Her Plate

There are aspects of pre- and post-wedding planning that are essential but don't really factor into the grand public affair. These make for excellent groom responsibilities. The rehearsal dinner, the day-after brunch or barbecue, and the honeymoon all take a vast amount of planning and execution. Don't make her think about those things if she doesn't want to.

Look Great

You've got this locked down with an engagement ring, but don't think you can let yourself go just yet. Think of your wedding as the ultimate big date. Get fit, brush up on etiquette, practice your dance moves, dress sharp beneath your tux (socks, tie, cuff links), and be your absolute best. This is your chance to sweep her off your feet, so bring your A-game.

Be Her Spirit Animal

Keep the big picture in mind here. A wedding is supposed to be joyful, comfortable, and memorable—in a good way! Part of your groom responsibilities is staying in tune with her mood, her anxiety level, and her need for reassurance every step along the way. Being a yes-man or saying, "Whatever you want is fine," doesn't help. You need to be all in and help her solve problems, untangle tough decisions, and resolve personal conflicts. Sometimes, being the protector of her sanity means giving her permission to take a break or forcing her to unwind so she doesn't burn herself out.

Remember, if she's not happy, you're not happy. If something goes wrong, being able to say, "Well, it wasn't my fault," is no consolation. Emotions run high and judgments get clouded during wedding planning, and being agreeable isn't always going to get you the best results. A stay-out-of-the-way mentality makes you dead weight when really, you should be doing everything you can to lighten the load.